DING DING DING

TKO
in the final round
And the winner is
Destry
Destry is the blondist!

Now for the blow by blow.

Ok there was only one blow.

Destry's oldest Child attends Pope John Paul II high school, which is private.
Her step daughters (that live with their mother) attend Christ the King, which is private.
Finally, her youngest two attend Jack Anderson, which is public.

Poor Destry got confused and thought that all the kids had spring break this week.
In fact only two of the three schools are on spring break.
This was a shock to Destry as she had already booked a cabin in Gatlinburg.
HA HA HA HA

confused mothers

Every year the service unit (Girl Scouts) has a Father Daughter Sweetheart Diner and Dance.
I knew I needed to tell my troop about it but I was dreading it. I knew Chris would not want to go because he would not know anyone there. I was afraid that several other girls would go and Madeline would be the only girl not to go. I also thought that Chris would not be the only dad to feel this way. I anticipated it being the very last minute and still not knowing if anyone was attending.

I had one mom who knew her husband would love to take her daughter to the dance. She e-mailed me back immediately and said "we're in." Within an hour I had another mom call. She was confused. She said "I forwarded the e-mail to ____ and he said he would love to take her. Then he hesitated and said 'if she wants to go'". It was as if the dad wanted to so badly he would be disappointed if his daughter did not go with him. This played itself out time and time again. One dad was even moving a business trip. My own husband replied to my e-mail, "sounds good."

Apparently they really really want their daughters first dance to be with them.

Who knew?

Drunk Granny? Which One?

My cousin Jeanie told me the funniest story on Granny Dorisy.
First of all Jeanie calls her Drunk Granny.
That doesn't narrow it down for me. All my Grannies are drunk.

Anyway, Granny and Jeanie had been drinking and they ran out of vodka. So, Jeanie drove them to the liquor store. I didn't ask. Let's just assume Jeanie was ok to drive.
While there Jeanie left Granny looking at the little airplane bottles of liquor. I don't know why but Granny really really likes the little bottles. Jeanie is a couple aisles over and she hears glass breaking. Yep. It was Drunk Granny.
Drunk Granny is just standing there looking at the broken glass as if it held the answers to all of lifes questions.
The manager felt so bad for Jeanie taking care of her Drunk Granny that he did not even charge them for the liquor.

When my Orange Granny passed away her jewelery came to me in a liquor box.
Enough said.

My step- grandmother, Grandmother Muriel once has so much to drink at a church pic-nic that she feel out of her lounge chair and landed in the grass. My mom bought her a breathalizer test because she worries about an 82 year old driving "impaired".
Grandmother Muriel took the breathalizer test to Golden Age Club. They passed it around to see who could win.
Obviously, the highest score wins.

Tapestry of Friendship

Oh My I don't know where to start.
OK first I have a very old very good group of friends from childhood.
Childhood - less than 7 years old when we met.
We even have an acronym.
N BARS - Natalie, Bethany, Amy, Rachel, and Sarah
Someone is missing.
We use to be 6.
Stephanie.

Stephanie's parents are evil. I always thought so. Now that I am a parent, I know so.
Stephanie never had a chance.
At some point you grow up and accept responsibility for your actions.
Now her life is her mess. Not her parents.

I was a matron of honor at her wedding. It was a lovely wedding but you would have been hard pressed to find one person in the room who thought that the marriage would last.

I don't remember if it was years or months. The call I expected came..
"Rachel, I am getting a divorce. I want to start over in Nashville. Can you help?"

My husband, is ever indulgent. He said this is not going to work out. Stephanie came to live with us. She was suppose to find a job and save up for deposits.

Anyway, she did not look for a job, let alone find one.
My husband finally gave a deadline.
Her parents drove down and got her a place.
They paid 6 months of her rent and utilities.
(Read gave her an additional 6 months vacation.)

Shortly after her moving out, my son, Logan, was hospitalized for dehydration.
Around day 4, I gave Logan a bath at the hospital. He was about 2 or 3. As you may know, bathing boys that age is like visiting a water park. I asked Stephanie to go by my house and pick up some dry clothes for me. Funny I am wearing those same sweat pants now.
Back on topic, while at my home, she helped herself to my engagement ring.
She dropped off my dry clothes at the hospital and told me she had to go to Knoxville for a doctor's appointment. Huh?
While in Knoxville she pawned my engagement ring for 1/10th of the value, $410. She went to Parisians and bought 4 new bathing suits.

I would have bought her the bathing suits.

The police told me that she needed time to feel comfortable pawning the ring and I should pretend that I believed it had gone down the drain or whatever.
This was hard.
I had to be around her all the time.
The cop finally picked her up and she admitted to everything.
The pawn shop owner had my ring in Louisville at a jewelery show. Someone had already put down a deposit on my ring. The detective drove to Louisville and I got it back that same day. Well, 4 months later, but the same day. In hind site, it is clear to me that Stephanie has substance abuse problems. I have never been exposed to that before and so did not recognize it.

I have not seen Stephanie again.

Weeks later, I dropped my ring in the middle of a cross walk in the square in Gallatin. I realized this several hours later. Went back. Found the ring. But no diamond. Found the diamond. Had it reset.
Curse of the Collins Diamond.

Weeks later, we were leaving a Birthday Party at Chuck E Cheese. I felt lighter. I noticed the stone had fallen out of the ring. This time, I did not find the diamond.
Then the insurance company sent me a ring that looked like it had come out of gum ball machine.
Then I got a decent replacement. Still not as nice as my stone.
Curse of the Collins Diamond.

I am not just telling you all this because of some fit of nostalgia.
I am telling you all this because I want you to understand that I still love Stephanie.
I went through a period of depression when this all happened.
She has always been a dear friend and I know I can't have her in my life anymore.
I love her. I just don't know how to be a friend to her. Obviously, my help enabled her behavior and made it worse.

Now I hear that she is pregnant. This is like a slap in the face for me. I know she needs me. I know the people around her suck. I can't do it. I can't get sucked back in. It breaks my hear to think of this poor child being raised by Stephanie and being the grandchild of Lydia and Larry. This child has no chance at happiness.

What was the name of that book? Flowers in the attic?

We Are Ready To Lead Once More

Madeline and I went to the Inauguration.
We were thrilled to have Jennifer, Zoe, Korey, and Christy go with us.

We drove up on Saturday. We ate dinner at Macadoos in Blacksburg. Yummy Just like old times.
We arrived at Uncle Eddies house very very late, or should I say very very early on Sunday morning.
Eddie and Jeff are wonderful host. Not only did they stay up and wait on us to arrive, they helped cary in luggage, provided extra blankets, towels, fare cards for the Metro and water bottles in our bedrooms. Better than the Ritz.

We went with Eddie and Jeff and our new friend Joan to a special church service for MLK day and the Inauguration. It was moving. I cried at least twice. The beginning of the end for my poor overworked tear ducts.

Then we drove into Eddie's office. Durring the drive Jennifer entertained us with stories about Ross the Intern. Eddie and I don't watch a lot of TV and had no idea that he is on Jay Leno. We walked to a restaurant off DuPont Circle. (For those of you who don't know, Uncle Eddie, Uncle Jeff, Jeanie, and Korey are gay. DuPont Circle is a gay neighborhood. DuPont Circle is affectionatly referred to as the Fruit Loop by the locals.) We were pleasantly surprised that in spite of being a group of 9, and the place beign packed, we were able to be seated within minutes. It helped that the kids sat at their own table. As we were leaving Jennifer looked out the window and screams, "It's Ross." When we caught up with her she shoved a camera at me and demanded I take her picture with Ross the Intern.

Then we walked to a gay book store, and a regular book store one block down. Then we went to a bakery and tried to warm up and wait for Barbara's cab to bring her into the city from the airport. This was to be a 3 hour cab ride at over $100. Wosh. Eddie, Jennifer, Christy, and Korey made a mad dash for American Apparel in Georgetown. This proved to be a find for Eddie who discovered that they carry extra small and the clothes fit him off the rack.
Then home for a drink and some carry out Kabobs from Mobey Dicks. Pizza for the kids.
Sleep Sleep Sleep

Monday we wake up late. Partialy because we are functioning on Central Time. It was snowing. They said up to an inch. It did not happen for us. I tried to take pictures but they were not great. We go to the mall. Madeline and Zoe want to hit a toy store in a big way. We eat lunch in the food court and grab a build a bear. Then we head to the Metro and into the city. We check out the mall, the street venders, the Washington Monument, the WWII, the reflecting pool, and the Lincoln. The Lincoln was closing?.?. I don't know why, but they closed it and the line to enter was far longer than what could be admitted? During this time everyone was talking about Obama, the inauguration, the importance of this event. It was "in the air." I have never experienced that before. The son was going down and it was getting very cold, so we headed to a metro stop. Thank goodness we were able to pile in a cab. Yes 7 people, 5 of whom were adults in one cab. 4 blocks and 13 dollars later, we are on the metro. We went to the liquor store and then meet Eddie and Jeff at Fudruckers for diner. (Joan and Barbara were attending the State of Illinois Inaugural Ball.) Jeanie's girl friend Sindy came over and we stayed up all night drinking and talking.

Going to bed at 4 and 5 am is not helpful in getting ready for an event that starts at 11 and has huge crowds, requiring lots of extra time for travel. Somehow, we pulled it off. We hoped to leave at 8 and left at 10. We arrived on the mall just in time for the beginning of the inauguration. It was beautiful and moving. Regarldless of your politics it was a wonderful experience. Most people were moved to tears. Television camaras cirlced threw the crowds recording tears and joy. Everyone cheered. Some booed the former president and some sang "Goodbye" to him when the helicopter left. I thought that was in poor taste. So, I just sung in my head, not aloud. Much classier.
After the speech we started moving away from the big TV thingies (Jumbo Trons?) and toward the Lincoln. We did this in hopes that movement would help us warm up and to be a little closer to the Metro station. The Lincoln was open and offered a beautiful view. It seemed appropriate to be on the steps of the Lincoln afterObama was sworn in, on the day after we celebrated the life of Martin Luther Kind Jr., all the while listening to the National Athem. The Metro was keeping up with the crowds better than we could have ever hoped for. It was almost pleasant. Except for the part where I got motion sickness and almost threw up on some very nice people from California. They did not even mind because everyone was experiencing such excitement and joy. Jeanie (henceforth known as wimpy-afraid-of-the
-cold-watch-it-from-home-loser-I-never-did-trust-tall-people-anyway) Where was I. Oh, Jeanie picked us up at the Metro. Jeanie is so good to us. We went to eat and then joined Eddie and Jeff for an Inaugural Diner Party. It was fun. The kids made new friends. After the party Eddie entertained us with his impersonation of Sister Viola, think Church Lady. It was a hoot and a half. Then Eddie took request and those who could, sang. I was sober enough to refrain. Jeanie, you know the wimpy-blah-blah-blah, has a wonderful voice. It was also nice to spend some time with Joan and Barbara. I think I was the first one to go to bed. I was so exhausted I could barely update my status on Facebook. lol
We slept in. We intended to leave early. We talked to Joan and Barbara instead. We drove all day. We met Mom and Art for diner. We made it home early Thursday Morning.
The End

Pictures are available on Facebook.

Top 10 Reasons for Laundry Overload

10. I am hosting a family of refugees with impeccable taste in clothing.
9. The pictures entertain my friends.
8. We are conducting experiments to determine how much will fit in a large capacity washer.
7. We are testing the strength of the banisters.
6. Belle needs somewhere to sleep.
5. Cammie (neighbor) needs to practice her dive rolls.
4. No need to wash until you run out of underwear.
3. No need to wash until things start to smell funny.
2. The pictures have caused Grandparents to consider calling CPS
1. Stitches are an important rite of passage.

Obama

I am deeply troubled. I can not decide if I should go to the inauguration or not.

I thought my mom had tickets to the area behind the fence. She has had them in the past.
She does not have them.
WTF?

Christy, that means what the fuey? WTF?

Chris will not go because he is a republican. Funny when we lived in Va. he was a dem. He follows the crowd.

So I have to take the kids by myself. Ok Fine. Then I start hearing all of this about record crowds. I have flashbacks to the inaugurations I have attended with tickets. So crowded and overwhelmingly difficult. There are going to be 10 times as many people. Shazam I remember the 4th of July on the mall. The great american smoke out. Fun. About the same ammount of people as expected for the inauguration, 3 million. With one big difference, they don't close the roads for the 4th. They do for the President, Senate, Cabinet, etc to gather in one place. They close everything but the metro. So you have 3 million people ridding the metro across the Potomic.... with Logan and Madeline.

Now I am thinking, this is a bad idea. My cousin who still lives there is not going. My uncle who lives there is not going. My friends who live there are not going. So, all the 3 million people are going to be tourist who can't find anything and don't know how to use the metro. JOY

OK I don't want to do this. Then there is the weather. My memory of inaugurations involve extreme cold and sometimes rain. With the crowds, you can double the time spent in the weather. I check the weather, of course it is to far away, but they have had highs of 27 and 38 for the past week and predicted similarly for next week. UHG This is going to suck a donkey nevermind.

I try talking to my kids about the real experience. Logan thinks he will get to meet Obama. We get that cleared up and Logan says "if it rains, we will watch it on TV from Uncle Eddies house."
a pause
"Mom you will need to go so that you can take pictures for us. Can Granny Dorisy baby sit us?"

I ask Logan why I need to take pictures. He says "For Mrs. McMurry and Mrs. Warrington. Duh Mom" Those are his teachers.

I think Logan is very concerned with my comfort.

Madeline also came up with the TV idea. I told her we could watch it on TV from home. She said "We can't see if Uncle Eddie has new games from home. True Dat Mommy True Dat"

My kids are so patriotic. I am going to have to find a childrens book about the inauguration process before we go.